Is it necessary?

Absolutely

You could drink water from:

a plastic bottle that collapses mid-sip
a chipped mug that says “world’s okayest dad”
your hands, like an animal

And you’d survive but at what cost?

Once you get this bottle?
It's like being reborn.

Why this container exists

Because it must.
The realty of this world is most people carry garbage.

Wobbly lids.
Disposable designs.
Tumblers that leak in your bag like trust in a broken marriage.

This isn’t that.

This is a steel-etched, heavy-duty, no-BS hydration tool.

Real Features. No Apologies.

Double-Wall Vacuum Insulation

Cold drinks stay cold for hours long past relevance (12h)

Hot drinks stay hot for hours even when you forget about them (6h)

No weird sweating on the outside, even when the bottle’s doing hard work on the inside

887 mL Capacity

Big enough to cover a full training session

Or back-to-back meetings you didn’t want to attend

Or one emotional drive to nowhere

Also known as:

30 oz

“Why does this feel like a weapon?”

Enough to remind you to stay hydrated even when life is falling apart

What happens when you own it

You stop buying other bottles.
You stop thinking about bottles.
You stop asking where your water thing went

Because it’s in the one bottle you trust.

It becomes part of your system.
And that’s where things start to shift.

Documented Side Effects (Unverified, but Persistent)

You stop feeling insecure about your bottle size. Walk up to any woman, she'll feel impressed by your big bottle.

Your boss sees it on your desk,
remembers to give you a promotion

A gym stranger nods at you like you’ve both seen combat

Your wife watches you drink from it
and something primal stirs

You look at it and think,
“I could probably break a door with this.”

No guarantees.
Just patterns.

Important Clarification

This bottle does not:

fix your sleep
boost testosterone
get your ex back. 
change your macros

It just works.
And sometimes, that’s all it takes.

What It Signals (Without Saying a Word)

It doesn’t say:

“I care about my wellness journey.”
“I’m a hot girl who lifts.”
“I bought this because of a YouTuber.”

It says:

This is my bottle.
There are many like it.
But those ones are weak.
This one is mine.

That's the contrabandit bottle creed.

Outrageous Reviews (Allegedly Real Humans)

★★★★★
“I bought this. My wife started making coffee for me again.”
— David

★★★★★
“HR says bottles don’t influence perception. But I got a promotion this week.”
— Mick

★★★★★
“It’s just a bottle. And yet somehow, it’s not.”
— Jess

★★★★★
“Feels like I’m holding a product, not a product of marketing.”
— Zac

★★★★★
“Zero leaks. Massive presence. Kind of like me.”
— Anonymous, delusional

Measurements & Specs

External Dimensions
10.2 cm wide × 19.8 cm tall
Built to fit most car cup holders and your tactical inner monologue.

Empty Weight
0.5 kg
Heavier than it needs to be. On purpose.

Capacity
887 mL / 30 oz
Also referred to as:

One litre minus the drama

Enough to make plastic look like a joke

Material

Double-wall, vacuum-insulated stainless steel

Matte black finish

Etched CONTRABANDIT branding

Built to last longer than your current job

Lid

Clear press-fit sliding lid

Tight seal

No weird moving parts

Does what it’s told

Durability

Dishwasher safe? ✅
Drop safe? ✅

Apocalypse resistant?
We’re not saying yes, but we’re not saying no.

Final Instructions

If you want:

seasonal colours
“self-care” energy
something you’d see in a TikTok clean girl haul

Wrong place.

If you want:

one bottle
forever
that says “this guy hydrates with conviction”

You’re home.

CONTRABANDIT OVERSIZED STEEL TUMBLER
Buy it.
Lift it.
Let it quietly improve your life while pretending not to.